Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
