She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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