I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
