I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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