hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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