Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize