I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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