I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
