dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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