Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
