Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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