Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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