Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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