ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
