After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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