That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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