Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
