I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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