i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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