You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I believe in your delicious
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
