put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
