the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
