Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
