Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
