Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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