There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
