i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
