i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
