He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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