Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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