just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
