Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
