That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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