I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
