Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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