My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
