he puts the penis in happiness.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
