Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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