I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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