dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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