No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
