So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
