I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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