my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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