Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
