You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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