i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
