Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
