OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
