yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
jump out the window naked night went bad
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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