i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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