Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
