Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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