Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
