If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
