I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
