"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
