talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
In other news, I just burned my penis
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
