the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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