May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
