My hand turned me down
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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