Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You ruined the universe
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
