Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm just crazy horny about you
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
