Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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