I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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