hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
